“… and my father drops me off at saturday morning services.
“you shud go,” he tells me.
i am seven, too young to ask the obvious question: WHY SHUD I GO AND HE SHUDNT?”

* * * * *

“when we spoke a few weeks ago, i asked u what u thought about ur parents. do u rmbr?”
sort of, i say.
“i asked if u felt they were perfect, or if they needed improvement.
and do u rmbr wad u said?”
“you said they werent perfect, but…”
but they dont need improvement? i say.
“becoz it means ur willing to accept ppl as they are. NOBODY IS PERFECT. not even mom n dad. tats okay.”

* * * * *

less than eight months from our first visit, he was dead.
so many times i told myself, “if i only had a few more minutes…”

* * * * *

“a lil girl came home from school wit a drawing she’d made in class. she danced into the kitchen, whr her mother was preparin dinner.
“‘mom, guess wad? she squealed, waving the drawing. 
her mother never looked up. 
“what?” she said, tending to the pots.
“guess what?” the child repeated, waving the drawing.
“what?” the mother said, tending to the plates. 
“mom, you’re not listening.”
“sweetie, yes i am.”
“mom,” the child said, “you’re not listening with your eyes.”

* * * * *

“… i tried to bump against it, so an apple wud fall into my hands. tat way, it wudnt feel like stealing. suddenly, i heard a voice from above yelling at me, ‘albert, it is forbidden!’ i jumped. i thought it was god.”
who was it? i asked. 
“a lady who lived upstairs.”
i laughed. not quite god. 
“no. but, we were part of each other’s lives. IF SOMEONR WAS ABOUT TO SLIP, SOMEONE ELSE CUD CATCH HIM.”

* * * * *

a man seeks employment on a farm. he hands his leter of recommendation to his new employer. it reads simply, “he sleeps in a storm.”

the owner is desperate for help. so he hires the man. 

several weeks pass, and suddenly, in the middle of thr nite, a powerful storm rips thru the valley. 

awakened by the swirling rain and howling wind, the owner leaps out of bed. he calls for his new hired hand, but the man is sleeping soundly. 

so he dashes off to the barn. he sees, to his amazement, that the animals are secure wit plenty of feed. he runs out to the field. he sees the bales of wheat have been bound and are wrapped in tarpaulins. he races to the silo. the doors are latched, and the grain is dry. 

and then he understands. “he sleeps in a storm.”

IF WE TEND TO THE THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT IN LIFE, IF WE ARE RIGHT WITH THOSE WE LOVE AND BEHAVE IN LINE WITH OUR FAITH, OUR LIVES WILL NOT BE CURSED WITH THE ACHING THROB OF UNFULFILLED BUSINESS. OUR WORDS WILL ALWAYS BE SINCERE, OUR EMBRACES WILL BE TIGHT. WE WILL NEVER WALLOW IN THE AGONY OF ‘I COULD HAVE, I SHOULD HAVE.’ WE CAN SLEEP IN A STORM. 

AND WHEN IT’S TIME, OUR GOODBYES WILL BE COMPLETE.

* * * * *

happiness in a tablet. this is our world. prozac. paxil. xanax. you dont even need a specific trauma; just “general depression” or “anxiety”, as if sadness were treatable as the common cold. 

much of wad we called “DEPRESSION” was rili DISSATISFACTION, the result of SETTING A BAR IMPOSSIBLY HIGH or EXPECTING TREASURES WE ARENT WILLING TO WORK FOR. 

but pills arent gonna change the fundamental problem in the construction. WANTING WHAT U CANT HAVE. LOOKING FOR SELF-WORTH IN THE MIRROR. LAYERING WORK ON TOP OF WORK AND STILL WONDERING WHY U WERENT SATISFIED -BEFORE WORKING SOME MORE. 

what makes a man happy?
happiness?
“tats rite. THE SOCIETY TELLS US WE MUST HAVE TO BE HAPPY – A NEW TIS OR TAT, A BIGGER HSE, A BETTER JOB. i know the falsity of it. the number of marriages tat hav disintegrated when they had all the stuff in the world. the families who fought and argued all the time, when they had money and health. HAVING MORE DOES NOT KEEP U FROM
WANTING MORE. and if u always want more – to be richer, more beautiful, more well known – you are missing the bigger picture.”

so, hav we solved the secret of happiness?
“i belif so,” he said. 
are u goin to tell me?
“yes. ready?”
ready. 
“BE SATISFIED.”
tats it?
“BE GRATEFUL.”
tats it?
“FOR WAD U HAVE. FOR THE LOVE YOU RECEIVE. AND FOR WAD GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.”
tats it?
he looked me in the eye. then he sighed deeply. 
“TATS IT.”

* * * * *

“i dun understand,” albert burst out to his father. “you’re a
religious man. ur cousin isnt. you pray evyday. he doesnt. they hav
evytg they want. and we hav nothing!”

his father nodded, then answered…
God and the decision he renders is correct.
God doesnt punish anyone out of the blue.
God knows what he is doing.

tat was the last time they spoke of it.
and the last time he judged life by what he owned.

* * * * *

“what profits a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul?”

* * * * *

what do ppl fear most abt death? i asked the reb.
“fear?” he thought for a moment. “well, for one thing, what happens
next? where do we go? is it what we imagined?”
thats big.
“yes. but there’s something else.”
what else?
he leaned forward.
“being forgotten,” he whispered.

* * * * *

he had officiated at nearly a thousand weddings, from d most basic to
the embarrassingly garish. many couples lasted. many did not.

can u predict wich marriages will survive? i asked.

“sometimes,” he said. “if they’re communicating well, they have a good
chance. if ghey havd a similar belief system, similar values, they
have a good chance.”

what about love?

“love they shud owes have. but love changes.”

what do u mean?

“love – the infatuation kind – ‘he’s so handsome, she’s so beautiful’
- tat can shrivel. as soon as something goes wrong, that kinda love
can fly out the window.”

“on the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. it gets tested and
grows stronger. like in Fiddler on the Roof. you remember? wen tevye
sings,’do u love me?’?”

“wen she says,’how can u ask if i love u? look at all i’ve done with
you. wad else wud u call it?”

“THAT kinda love – thd kind tat u realize you already have by d life u
created together – thats the kind that lasts.”

* * * * *

…”remember, d only difference between ‘marital’ and ‘martial’ is
where u put the ‘i’.”

* * * * *

“i tink ppl expect too much from marriage today,” he said. “THEY
EXPECT PERFECTION. EVY MOMENT SHUD BE A BLISS. TATS TV OR MOVIES. BUT TAT IS NOT THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.”

“like sarah says, twenty good minutes here, forty good minutes there,
it adds up to sumtg beautiful. the trick is, WEN THINGS ARENT SO
GREAT, YOU DONT JUNK D WHOLE THING. its okay to have arguments. its okay tat the other one nudges u a little, bothers u a little. its part
of being close to someone.”

* * * * *

“but the joy u get from tat same closeness – wen u watch ur children,
wen u wake up n smile at each other – that, as our tradition teaches
us, is a blessing. people forget that.”

“… but real commitment? tat requires staying power – in faith and in
marriage.”
and if u dont commit? i asked.
“your choice. but u miss wads on the other side.”
wads on the other side?
“ah.” he smiled. “a happiness you cannot find alone.”

* * * * *

“… it does no good to be angry or carry grudges.”
he made a fist. “it churns u up inside. it does u more harm than the object of ur anger.”

so let it go? i asked.
 
“or dont let it get started in the first place,” he said.

* * * * *

“you know, in our tradition, we ask for forgiveness from everyone – even casual acquaintances. but with those we’re closest with – wives, children, parents – WE TOO OFTEN LET THINGS LINGER. dont wait. its such a waste.”

he tol me a story. a man buried his wife. at the gravesite he stood he stood by the reb, tears falling down his face.

“i loved her,” he whispered.
the reb nodded. 
“i mean… i really loved her.”
the man broke down.
“and… i ALMOST told her once.”
the reb looked at me sadly.

“NOTHING HAUNTS LIKE THE THINGS WE DONT SAY.”

* * * * *

quoted from ‘HAVE A LITTLE FAITH…’

a VERY very well written book – a reminder to the lil things in life tat often we overlooked. took for granted. or even delayed. or, the lil things tat we never even realised its importance… til being specifically pointed out to us.

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